Plus Size Pregnancy

Being plus size and pregnant is weird. I've always been fat, and I carry much of my weight in my stomach and hips. Adding a baby to that means that yes, I have a bump, but to someone who doesn't know I'm pregnant, I just look fat. I'm used to wearing clothes that draw attention away from my belly, and all maternity clothes draw attention to that belly now that it's more socially acceptable as a baby bump, at least in theory.

I've been told for years that I have "child-bearing hips." That's all well and good, but do you have any idea what it's like in modern society with hips that belong to an 1800s Dutch milkmaid?

I'm used to being heavy. I'm used to checking the weight limit on ladders (I've fallen through a step-ladder). I know that the steering wheel in my car might touch my belly if I'm bloated or ate a big meal. I know that I can't drive a sports car comfortably. I'm used to being a little out of breath after climbing stairs. Adding being pregnant to all that is a whole different story...


It's weird when you have to go and get an ultrasound and the technician asks you to hold your belly up so she can get where she needs to get to see the baby.

It's weird when you are tracking your weight because of baby, and you know the baby is weighing in at about 3 lbs, but you've lost 6 lbs. Does that mean you've really lost 9? And if so, wow, this kid is consuming a lot of my calories, since I've been eating more than usual.

It's weird when you're used to "sucking in" your stomach normally (every day, no matter what), and now that hurts more than it should, because of baby. Then you freak out because what if you're squishing the baby? So you stop "sucking in" and your ab muscles feel so strange being relaxed.

It's annoying when you need to go shopping for maternity clothes, especially robes and nursing night gowns for the hospital and things say "one size fits all," which of course means up to size 16, which I have not been since high school.

It's frustrating when you see cute matching going home outfits for mom and baby and they only go up to XL for mom, which means a size 14.

It's frustrating when you go to the doctors and the chairs in the waiting room have arms that squish your hips so you can't even be comfortable waiting.

It's all cute when babies are chunky and have all the little fat rolls and are in bigger sizes than estimated. However, society clearly says it isn't cute for mom to be fat.

All I know is that I'm going to teach my daughter to tell society to mind their own business.

Finally a spine

Baby has been frustrating in not showing her spine for the past two ultrasounds (20 weeks, 24 weeks). She finally did at 28 weeks! Good job, baby!

Mom Life

My own mom passed away in 1992, when I was 9. My grandma was the main "mom" type person in my daily life. My aunts took me to get my ears pierced and get my prom dresses. My best friend's mom gave me etiquette lessons, like what fork to use at a fancy dinner. My great-aunt tried to teach me how to cook. My girlfriend's mom has somewhat adopted me now and is going to be helping out with the baby.

I have no idea how to be a mom.

I have very few memories of baby and toddler times. I remember my mom being kind, warm, smart, and always on my side. Is that enough?

Holidays (year 0)

This is the first holiday season where we are thinking about how next year is going to be completely different. Last year was just fun and goofy. This year, we're starting to think about baby.

What presents will she want when she's 10 months old? How big might she be? What can we get her this year before she's born that will grow with her?

One of our family traditions is for everyone to get at least one book and a new set of pjs on Xmas eve. It's cute and silly. One of the presents this year is a book for Grayson, even though she isn't here yet.

I've been thinking a lot about what holidays and family traditions we'll want to celebrate with her.

We want to raise her to embrace her Jewish side since her other mom is Jewish and her Bubbe and Bubba (that's what he wanted to be called) are going to be a big part of her life.

I'm Pagan/agnostic so I would like to introduce Grayson to the more nature-based holidays as well as world myths, which is why so many global trickster tales are on the baby registry. My dad and stepmom (Grayson's Nonno and Nonna) are agnostic-ish as well, but they celebrate holidays; and my family does a big Easter celebration every year. My spouse (Grayson's uncle) is Pagan as well, but happily celebrates the materialistic gift-giving holiday of the winter, whatever that holiday is.

Grayson's dad is Christian, and his parents (Grayson's Babchi and Pop-pop) are big with holidays, especially Christmas.

I have no idea what next Winter Holiday Season will look like. I have a feeling it is going to be busy and exhausting.

Tired

I'm so tired. I want to post more, but I don't have the mental capacities currently to do so.

Bubbles?

I'm now at 25 weeks. When she moves, it feels like bubbles!

We had an ultrasound last week (24 weeks), since Grayson is a little difficult when it comes to showing everything she needs to show. We still haven't gotten a good look at her spine, so we need to go back at 28 weeks to check again. One of the few measurements I can compare from her 20 week ultrasound and her 24 week is her femur. At 20 3/7 weeks, her femur measured 34.0 mm, which is the measurement for 20 5/7 weeks. She was a little ahead of the average then (2 days). At 24 1/7 weeks, her femur measured 46.2 mm, which is the measurement for 25 2/7 weeks. She's a whole 8 days ahead now! I don't know why this amuses me so much.

Why the link on the side is to a webcomic

I started this blog after reading the webcomic How Baby. A particular post really hit home. On #146, entitled "Hers," the author, Lindsay, states:

And then here I was: the ex-riot grrl with the dyed hair and the facial piercings; the one who drew fan art; the one everyone thought would end up with a wife, not a husband; she who proudly proclaimed her choice to be childfree. There wasn’t a space for me. I wasn’t like my mom, and I wasn’t like Internet Mom. So I started drawing How Baby, and I tried to be me, but a version of me that was mom, too.

 This hit home so hard.

I've been vocally childfree for over a decade. I even started a Childfree group on Facebook (which I will likely continue to admin because, honestly, my sense of humor is warped and that is not going to change). Honestly, I nearly got my tubes tied about 10 years ago because I was so sure I never wanted to have kids. If I had done that, I would still be happy with my choice and my life.

I know I'm nothing like my mom was. My mom was a stay-at-home mom until I was in school. She made cookies, and cried if they were burnt (my dad would eat them anyway). I never had a baby-sitter, I always had someone in the family who could watch me for a few hours. My mom shopped Avon, and always looked so put-together. She was beautiful and classy. She also passed away when I was nine, which, admittedly, make my view of her "more perfect" than it probably was. But I never saw the flaws. I never fought with her as a teenager. She didn't have to put up with my very rebellious late-teens/early-20s. She remains this perfect Mom.

I am nowhere near perfect.

Like Lindsay, I usually have dyed hair (pink for me). I have facial piercings. I have tattoos. I used to referee roller derby. I don't fit the typical "mom" mold. I'm never going to fit that mold.

But, as long as my child is safe, happy, and healthy, that's all that I need to do. I don't need to be the Perfect Pinterest Mom.

I am not 6 months... oh wait...

Last week or so, I took a bathroom selfie. I really love the dress I was in, but it made me look very pregnant. My girlfriend commented that "you are like 6 months."

I am not!

She sent me an image that shows that 6 months is weeks 22-26. I was at 22 weeks at that point.

Well.... fine. I guess I am 6 months pregnant. Time flies when you're 3D printing a human. 3 months or so until she is actually here. The house is nowhere near ready, honestly. We finally sorted through most of the 0-5T clothes that my boyfriend's cousins gave us. They are sorted, labelled, in bins, and in a good spot to be stored. Just got to keep organizing and such. Our 24 week ultrasound and check up is in a little over a week. Baby Shower 1 is in a month and a half. Baby Shower 2 is in two months (one for my family in New England and one local).

I guess we'll figure it out as we go along.

"Heartbeat" bills

PA Lawmakers Introduce Heartbeat Bill 

"'Since a heartbeat denotes the end of life, obviously, logically, scientifically, it denotes, clearly, the beginning of life. So anytime there’s a heartbeat up until death, that baby needs to be left alone," Mastriano said."

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. Firstly, a heartbeat does not equal life. Brainwaves equal life. 

Secondly, when I saw Grayson's "heartbeat" at 8 weeks, she looked like a turtle amoeba. She looked nothing like a baby. The cells that were "beating" looked nothing like a heart. Everything was all over the place.

Can you see that? Can you see the turtle? Underneath the turtle/blob/amoeba is a bunch of cells. Some of those cells were flickering and pulsing. Those are the cells that become parts of the heart. 

I was 8 weeks pregnant when I got this ultrasound. 

That means that I was 8 weeks past my last period. 

That embryo is about 6 weeks along, because conception and last menstrual period are two different things. 

Some women conceive and miscarry without even knowing it. 

An embryo has the potential to become a living thing, but also has the potential to not become a living thing. 

I am now over 20 weeks along. I have the legal right to terminate this pregnancy up until week 24. We have not done all of our testing and measurements yet. We don't know if there is some hidden problem. We assume there is not. We assume she'll become a living thing. 

A "heartbeat" bill is ridiculous and violates the rights of women. Even calling it a "heartbeat" bill is manipulative. 

One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.

Skullbaby

This child is already being difficult. 

I had my 20 week ultrasound recently. This is a big one; they check all sorts of measurements to make sure the baby is forming properly. They saw some things, which were all fine, but she refused to show the doctor her spine. 

She doesn't even have fully formed anything yet, but somehow, she already has an attitude. Plus, her feet are up by her head. I guess that's comfortable when you don't have solid bones yet. Weird kid. 

Disney Reveal

This will probably be one of the cheesiest things I ever do when it comes to the baby... We had a Disney trip planned for my birthday already, and the timing worked out really well to do our big "baby reveal" stuff. We did a ton of character meets with a white board and lots of puns:

Experiment 630 (with Stitch)

Bibbidi Bobbidi BUMP (with Fairy Godmother)

Hoping for a Mermaid (with Ariel)

Our Little Nightmare (with Jack and Sally)

and more...

But this picture is my favorite from that trip.