Plus Size Pregnancy

Being plus size and pregnant is weird. I've always been fat, and I carry much of my weight in my stomach and hips. Adding a baby to that means that yes, I have a bump, but to someone who doesn't know I'm pregnant, I just look fat. I'm used to wearing clothes that draw attention away from my belly, and all maternity clothes draw attention to that belly now that it's more socially acceptable as a baby bump, at least in theory.

I've been told for years that I have "child-bearing hips." That's all well and good, but do you have any idea what it's like in modern society with hips that belong to an 1800s Dutch milkmaid?

I'm used to being heavy. I'm used to checking the weight limit on ladders (I've fallen through a step-ladder). I know that the steering wheel in my car might touch my belly if I'm bloated or ate a big meal. I know that I can't drive a sports car comfortably. I'm used to being a little out of breath after climbing stairs. Adding being pregnant to all that is a whole different story...


It's weird when you have to go and get an ultrasound and the technician asks you to hold your belly up so she can get where she needs to get to see the baby.

It's weird when you are tracking your weight because of baby, and you know the baby is weighing in at about 3 lbs, but you've lost 6 lbs. Does that mean you've really lost 9? And if so, wow, this kid is consuming a lot of my calories, since I've been eating more than usual.

It's weird when you're used to "sucking in" your stomach normally (every day, no matter what), and now that hurts more than it should, because of baby. Then you freak out because what if you're squishing the baby? So you stop "sucking in" and your ab muscles feel so strange being relaxed.

It's annoying when you need to go shopping for maternity clothes, especially robes and nursing night gowns for the hospital and things say "one size fits all," which of course means up to size 16, which I have not been since high school.

It's frustrating when you see cute matching going home outfits for mom and baby and they only go up to XL for mom, which means a size 14.

It's frustrating when you go to the doctors and the chairs in the waiting room have arms that squish your hips so you can't even be comfortable waiting.

It's all cute when babies are chunky and have all the little fat rolls and are in bigger sizes than estimated. However, society clearly says it isn't cute for mom to be fat.

All I know is that I'm going to teach my daughter to tell society to mind their own business.

Finally a spine

Baby has been frustrating in not showing her spine for the past two ultrasounds (20 weeks, 24 weeks). She finally did at 28 weeks! Good job, baby!

Mom Life

My own mom passed away in 1992, when I was 9. My grandma was the main "mom" type person in my daily life. My aunts took me to get my ears pierced and get my prom dresses. My best friend's mom gave me etiquette lessons, like what fork to use at a fancy dinner. My great-aunt tried to teach me how to cook. My girlfriend's mom has somewhat adopted me now and is going to be helping out with the baby.

I have no idea how to be a mom.

I have very few memories of baby and toddler times. I remember my mom being kind, warm, smart, and always on my side. Is that enough?

Holidays (year 0)

This is the first holiday season where we are thinking about how next year is going to be completely different. Last year was just fun and goofy. This year, we're starting to think about baby.

What presents will she want when she's 10 months old? How big might she be? What can we get her this year before she's born that will grow with her?

One of our family traditions is for everyone to get at least one book and a new set of pjs on Xmas eve. It's cute and silly. One of the presents this year is a book for Grayson, even though she isn't here yet.

I've been thinking a lot about what holidays and family traditions we'll want to celebrate with her.

We want to raise her to embrace her Jewish side since her other mom is Jewish and her Bubbe and Bubba (that's what he wanted to be called) are going to be a big part of her life.

I'm Pagan/agnostic so I would like to introduce Grayson to the more nature-based holidays as well as world myths, which is why so many global trickster tales are on the baby registry. My dad and stepmom (Grayson's Nonno and Nonna) are agnostic-ish as well, but they celebrate holidays; and my family does a big Easter celebration every year. My spouse (Grayson's uncle) is Pagan as well, but happily celebrates the materialistic gift-giving holiday of the winter, whatever that holiday is.

Grayson's dad is Christian, and his parents (Grayson's Babchi and Pop-pop) are big with holidays, especially Christmas.

I have no idea what next Winter Holiday Season will look like. I have a feeling it is going to be busy and exhausting.

Tired

I'm so tired. I want to post more, but I don't have the mental capacities currently to do so.