Autism and School Choice

 Something we knew early on and finally confirmed: Robin is autistic. 

This is no surprise at all and, mentally, I understand this. I have resources. I've done research. It's thoroughly probable that I'm autistic as well, based on my research. Robin's two cousins are autistic and we know there is a genetic component.  

Emotionally, I'm confused. I want what's best for Robin. I want them to succeed in life. They're not "autistic enough" to need a specialized classroom. But they are autistic and will need supports to succeed. 

We looked at a private school that we really liked. We thought Robin would do very well there. The school thought otherwise and we did not get in. We had put all our eggs in this one basket and now we're trying to find another solution. Public school is not an option for us. None of us think that Robin would do well in public school. 

I'm just... confused and sad at this point. Obviously, I want my child to be happy and healthy. I don't want them to go to a school that doesn't see the amazing person they are. But I also thought that we had found a place that would see the potential. I'm sad that there are people out there who don't see Robin's amazing potential. Robin is so smart, especially when it comes to mechanical and kinaesthetic learning. 

I feel like I'm to blame. Clearly, genetics is at play. I also know that I was resistant to preschool/daycare because we didn't need it. Robin goes to a half-day, twice a week program currently and is doing very well interacting with the other kids who attend. Robin isn't even the only autistic kid who attends. I just wonder if there is something else I should have done to prepare Robin for school, but then again, they're not even four yet. 

Early Intervention Services

 It's been a while. 

My kiddo has an expressive speech delay. They understand most things we tell them. They follow directions when they want to. But, we're in speech therapy and have been for about a year now. We do virtual therapy, since we started during COVID and it works for our family. 

Since Robin (kiddo) turned 3, we had to switch over our Early Intervention company from Childlink to Elwyn. Elwyn is the only option for age 3 until school age. Elwyn has a lot of hoops to jump through. 

Listen, they're understaffed. I get it. Everyone in any sort of public-facing job is short-staffed. However, this does not mean that small children should go without required services. 

We got our IEP. We qualify for speech therapy. 

We waited a month from Robin's 3rd birthday. No therapist lined up. We've gone 4 weeks now without our speech therapy sessions. I'm unhappy with this wait. 

I messaged our service coordinator. I told them that I know that if they cannot find us a therapist, that Elwyn must reimburse us the cost of a private therapist. I'm told: 

Elwyn is offering reimbursement for families who are able to provide a private therapist. You would need to submit an invoice to Elwyn who would then reimburse you every month for the sessions – note that you would need to pay the therapist yourself first and we reimburse the family. They can be flexible if you aren’t able to make a whole month of payments due to income, but that’s where they would start. Once Elwyn is able to assign our own provider, we would stop reimbursement and have our therapist fulfill the service as usual.

The day after I get information about the reimbursement, I'm told that Elwyn found us a virtual speech therapist and we'd get started. Awesome, we get started. 

About two months after we get started, I message our service coordinator again. I want to ask about our missed sessions from when we went 4 weeks without speech therapy. I'm told: 

This would be considered a Compensatory Education Plan. We would typically measure how much session time was missed and if Robin had regressed, remained stable, or made progress during that time. Then we’d use that information to determine how best to deliver any time that is owed.

Ok, great. They tell me we get 4 sessions and I let our therapist know and we're working on making up those sessions. Things are working out nicely for us. Robin is making progress. We love our speech therapist. She's wonderful! 

However...

I'm in some parent groups for kids with disabilities and I hear a lot that parents are waiting a year or longer for Elwyn to get them a therapist. I know we're lucky and we can do virtual therapy, but a year to a kid who needs therapy is a long time, especially for a kid who is only 3 or 4 years old. This is key development time. (https://www.choc.org/primary-care/ages-stages/3-years/) 

So I comment where I can and let parents know that Elwyn must reimburse. I know that there are probably many families out there who can't afford to pay a therapist in advance. I know that the City of Philadelphia is a poor city. In fact: 

About 400,000 residents—including roughly 37 percent of the city's children under the age of 18—live below the federal poverty line, which is $19,337 in annual income for an adult living with two children. And nearly half of all poor residents are in deep poverty, defined as 50 percent below the federal poverty line. (https://www.pewtrusts.org/-/media/assets/2017/11/pri_philadelphias_poor.pdf) 

 Also, how is Elwyn going to do Compensatory Education Plans when they wait a year for a service? A 2 year old "remaining stable" until they are 3 years old is not OK. They should be progressing. How do they figure that out? 

I sincerely hope that parents have good advocates who can help them out in this system. It's hard to raise a kid, and it's even harder when they need early intervention services. 

Love or Hate being pregnant

I've seen some conversations on mom groups about how some women love being pregnant while others hate being pregnant.

Personally, especially as someone who never wanted to be pregnant in the first place (a little alien creature inside of me is going to be moving around? ew), it's just been a thing. It hasn't changed my daily life, other than I can't breathe and now I can't bend over properly. Oh, and I wake up 5 times a night to go pee. I suppose that since I've fluctuated up and down the same 10 lbs the whole pregnancy and that I'm a plus size person, shifting a few pounds from one spot to baby bump doesn't make a huge difference in my abilities and general self.

I certainly don't love it. I feel like a whale.

But it doesn't suck (yet).

When to teach about Pride

I'm a librarian. I love finding diverse books. I've really been looking recently and starting to think about what sort of books I'm going to read to baby. After all, she's going to have two mommies, a daddy, and an uncle raising her. It's not exactly a conventional situation.

I ordered a bunch of books for my library recently. Among them were Pride Colors, a boardbook about the different colors on the pride flag, and Rainbow : a first book a pride, a picture book about the colors as well. As a librarian, I don't process (i.e., put labels on and enter books into the system) new books. Well, I processed those two. One of our library assistants handed them to me, stating that because of her faith, she didn't feel comfortable processing them. She feels that some things are for adults.

I'm blown away. This assistant is super sweet, very kind, and has no problems with either me (who is out as bi and poly at work!) or our gay coworker. But, then again, we're adults.

I guess there really is prejudice everywhere.

Plus Size Pregnancy

Being plus size and pregnant is weird. I've always been fat, and I carry much of my weight in my stomach and hips. Adding a baby to that means that yes, I have a bump, but to someone who doesn't know I'm pregnant, I just look fat. I'm used to wearing clothes that draw attention away from my belly, and all maternity clothes draw attention to that belly now that it's more socially acceptable as a baby bump, at least in theory.

I've been told for years that I have "child-bearing hips." That's all well and good, but do you have any idea what it's like in modern society with hips that belong to an 1800s Dutch milkmaid?

I'm used to being heavy. I'm used to checking the weight limit on ladders (I've fallen through a step-ladder). I know that the steering wheel in my car might touch my belly if I'm bloated or ate a big meal. I know that I can't drive a sports car comfortably. I'm used to being a little out of breath after climbing stairs. Adding being pregnant to all that is a whole different story...


It's weird when you have to go and get an ultrasound and the technician asks you to hold your belly up so she can get where she needs to get to see the baby.

It's weird when you are tracking your weight because of baby, and you know the baby is weighing in at about 3 lbs, but you've lost 6 lbs. Does that mean you've really lost 9? And if so, wow, this kid is consuming a lot of my calories, since I've been eating more than usual.

It's weird when you're used to "sucking in" your stomach normally (every day, no matter what), and now that hurts more than it should, because of baby. Then you freak out because what if you're squishing the baby? So you stop "sucking in" and your ab muscles feel so strange being relaxed.

It's annoying when you need to go shopping for maternity clothes, especially robes and nursing night gowns for the hospital and things say "one size fits all," which of course means up to size 16, which I have not been since high school.

It's frustrating when you see cute matching going home outfits for mom and baby and they only go up to XL for mom, which means a size 14.

It's frustrating when you go to the doctors and the chairs in the waiting room have arms that squish your hips so you can't even be comfortable waiting.

It's all cute when babies are chunky and have all the little fat rolls and are in bigger sizes than estimated. However, society clearly says it isn't cute for mom to be fat.

All I know is that I'm going to teach my daughter to tell society to mind their own business.

Finally a spine

Baby has been frustrating in not showing her spine for the past two ultrasounds (20 weeks, 24 weeks). She finally did at 28 weeks! Good job, baby!

Mom Life

My own mom passed away in 1992, when I was 9. My grandma was the main "mom" type person in my daily life. My aunts took me to get my ears pierced and get my prom dresses. My best friend's mom gave me etiquette lessons, like what fork to use at a fancy dinner. My great-aunt tried to teach me how to cook. My girlfriend's mom has somewhat adopted me now and is going to be helping out with the baby.

I have no idea how to be a mom.

I have very few memories of baby and toddler times. I remember my mom being kind, warm, smart, and always on my side. Is that enough?